I drive to Mt Airy two days a week for work. It is about a 45 minute drive and usually I do not mind it. The drive is beautiful and it is nice alone time… or time to catch up with friends on the phone. Each day as I turn off to Mt Airy I anticipate the donkeys. There is a horse farm (at least that is what I think it is) on my left. Each day I look not at the horses but to find the two donkeys that also live there. I do not care if I see the expensive horses with their winter coats to keep them warm. I look for the two donkeys. Each day that I see them I smile and know that it is a good day.
I read this on someone’s facebook: "Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past." — Anne Lamott. I cannot think of having a better past. My past is mine. As much as I would like to change it, I can’t. My past has made me who I am today. I cannot think of the time I lost from not making the best decision in the past. For I know to think about such a thing is just wasting more time. That part of my life has already taken too much from me. I am a better person for what I have been through. I am proud of how I have handled life and how I have grown. I am proud that I put me first. I am proud that I have chosen life and not fear! Oh wow I am proud that I have chosen life and not fear.
I said on Ash Wednesday last year I wanted to give up worry and fear. I was going to give up diet coke. I decided then that God did not want my diet coke, but God wanted me to have peace in life. I now see that to do that I had to make some difficult decisions in life. I said yes to me and life this last year. That is when the messiah came for me; that is when I said yes to me. I don’t know what that theology is, but it is mine. For me Christ’s resurrection was me being resurrecting from the death I was living.
Do we all not need to be resurrected? We die to ourselves all the time. Loosing parts of who we are for other people and other things. It is when we give these things up that we are resurrected and can fully live life. This for me is the mystery in life and this is what I take with me this Ash Wednesday.
I think I know why I love the donkeys so much. They are simple animals. They are true to who they are. Yes they are on the side of the beautiful horses with their fancy winter coats, yet it does not seem to bother the donkeys. They continue to be true to themselves and live their own lives. I would be wise to live like the donkey. It is on this Ash Wednesday that I think of being true to myself through seeing the donkeys.
Ironic thing… I no longer drink diet coke J
