A blog from a while back

So someone asked why I stopped blogging... I guess I have no good answer. I have been writing, but had forgotten to post it here. So here is a piece I wrote called Shadows in the Light. I wrote it after tearing my retina!

 For the past 10 days a gas bubble has resided in my left eye. A wonderful doctor as part of a procedure to repair a torn retina put it there. I can see the gas bubble. It looks more like a dark round shadow than an actually bubble. It is in the bottom right corner of my eye and it must stay there (in actuality it is in the top left part of my eye, we see things opposite). To assist the bubble staying in place, I must keep my head to the right and stay sitting up.

Needless to say this bubble and I have become close. At times I dislike it, others I am fascinated, and sometimes I try to forget it is there. It really does not matter, because the truth is the bubble is staying until it is ready to leave. I guess a better way of describing the situation is saying it is staying until it is absorbed into my eye.

 I have dark bubbles in my life and this has never been more evident than this last 10 days. Nothing like facing the fear of loosing your ability to see to make you confront shadows that have been lingering for not just years, but decades. It has been in the days of appreciating the light that I have come face to face with my shadows.

Just as the gas bubble in my eye, at times I dislike the shadows, other times I am fascinated, but majority of time I try to forget they are there. Who wants to face pain, hurt, shame and fear? Not me, but there are times in life where it does not feel that we have a choice but to face what is in the light even if it is a shadow.

 It is work keeping my gas bubble in the correct location, just as I spend countless hours, days, years trying to keep my shadows in a specific place. Little do I realize, that if I learn to look at the shadows they too, just like my bubble, will be absorbed into my being. The shadows will no longer be a hindrance, but a strength.

 Regret and guilt often come with looking at shadows, but seeing them in the light doesn’t feel as scary. I learn each day my shadows aren’t bad or good.. they are what is reality. The more I accept this reality, the more I find peace. My shadows do not define who I am if I do not let them. It is through reaching out with compassion to accept the pain, hurt, shame, and fear that peace and freedom can be found.

I wondered a few days ago what lessons are to be learned from this chapter of my life. I am sure there are many, but I do know looking at the shadows in the light is one.