Philadelphia

I just finished watching the movie Philadelphia. It is one of my favorites. Each time I watch it, I learn something new about myself. I consider myself blessed that my parents took my sister and myself to watch it when it came out. I was in middle school and it was not a movie I probably would have gone to see on my own. I remember after the movie sitting in the care with my parents and sister and crying. We could not go eat because we were all so emotional. I am thankful that I had parents that helped me have an open view of all people at such a young age.

One line in the movie struck me this morning. Tom Hanks' mother is talking to him and states, she did not raise her son to ride in the back of the bus. WOW. Everyday society, and even more we as individuals, trap people in the back of the bus. We would never admit to such a thing. We lie, mostly to ourselves about what we are doing. Our derogatory comments, our unwelcoming hands, and our closed thinking places people in the back of the bus. What amazes me even more is how the church often does such things. The one place where all people are to be welcome often shows prejudices the most.

Finished!!!!!

I have just completed my last final at Baylor University! Such a great feeling. I head off to Greensboro with my roomie, Leigh, tomorrow to look for a new place to call home. I am excited about the trip and the opportunity to get out of town. Life is a highway and we will be riding it all weekend long!

Brokenness and the Body

Yesterday was such a hard day. One of my really good friend's (myles) mom was missing. I waited with him from 11:30 am until 5:30 pm. At 6:00 pm he got the news that she was found and okay. What a relief! My emotions have been running out of control today. While waiting with him, my thoughts rushed back to seven years ago. That is when my mom tried to kill herself and we couldn't find her for what seemed like an eternity (actually just an afternoon). The pain, hurt, and helpless feelings came back as I sat with myles. I knew what he was feeling and there was not a thing I could do but sit there. I knew the deep pain he was experiencing and it was torture knowing his feelings.

People would say that I didn’t have to just sit there, but that I could pray, but I couldn't. I thought of praying for a miracle, but I could not pray for such a thing. A lady from Calvary came and prayed for a miracle and I was jealous of such words she said with confidence. I prayed for a miracle like that once. It was with my mom and it didn't happen. Not that I don't think miracles can and do happen, I just don't have the courage to pray for one again. I don't lack faith in God; I just lack the ability to pray such a thing. I guess I am scared to because of the pain.

My wonderful roomie (Leigh) said it is okay. She said that I am broken and I might not every be at the place to pray in such a way again. She is so right. I am broken. I think I have somewhat been put back together, but not in the same way. I have scars and they are deep. As I think of yesterday, I see that it is because of my brokenness that I was able to sit with myles. I was fully present, because I know the pain. That was my place, to be present.

The body of Christ amazes me. All I could do yesterday was be present, and that was okay. There were others who could pray and they did. They prayed for a miracle, and a miracle happened. Praise God! We are all part of the body and I have to learn to accept my place.