Cecilia J Bigbee

Today would have been my mother’s 56^th birthday. It is hard to believe that I have not celebrated with her the last twelve birthdays. I guess she will forever be 44 in my mind. Some birthdays I reflect on mom for hours and others it is merely a passing thought. Some years are filled with tears. This year feels strangely different, different in a very good way.

Today really is a celebration of her life for me. So often I have focused on her death on her birthday, but not this year. I remember the wonderful mother she was. Like when I was in first grade. I was a very picky eater. We had forgotten to look at the school lunch menu before I went to school. I got there and it was stew (which I hated)! When mom got home she looked and saw this, so she went to Burger King and brought me lunch. It meant the world to this first grader.

My mother was also a person who took bread to the shut-ins. She talked to everyone and wanted them all to feel welcome. Fun was part of her life and she taught me how to let go and laugh. We played and were silly.

More than anything she wanted Mandy and me to be strong and independent women. She wanted us to have a college education and to be able to be on our own. I can’t help but smile to think of where we both are today. Mandy is an attorney at a school district. She just bought her own house (with a pool)! Mom is so proud, I know this.

I just started a new job… a job that I have because of mom’s death. It was through her death that I decided to go into counseling and more importantly desire to pursue the integration of religion and counseling. I have stood up and been strong in ways that I never knew were possible this year. Through it all, I can feel mom’s strength through me.

Frederick Buechner in his book Telling Secrets talks about a relationship with a person is not over when they die. The relationship changes though. This fall my relationship with mom is changing after her being gone over 11 years. Her presence is alive in me like never before.

Happy Birthday Mom!